Roger Aubrey

Covenant Friends: Honesty

David said to Jonathan, 'What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?' 'Never!' Jonathan replied. 'You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn't do anything, great or small, without confiding in me. Why should he hide this from me? It's not so!' But David said, 'Your father knows very well that I have found favour in your eyes, and he has said to himself, "Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved." There is only a step between me and death.' (1Samuel 20:1-3)

The covenant friendship between David and Jonathan could withstand severe disagreement. They both saw a particular issue from completely different viewpoints and were able to talk about it in complete honesty and reality. Theirs was not a relationship in which they just sat around spouting out nice platitudes of appreciation to each other. Their friendship was forged in the crucible of adversity; and they had to be able to be honest and real with each other. They had to be able to tell each other how they felt, with no holds barred.

Both believed the other to be wrong; but neither tried to browbeat the other into submission. Neither threatened the other with the loss of their friendship. They talked it through and resolved the problem (Jonathan was the one in this case who was wrong). There was a line these men could never cross: violating their covenant. Therefore, within those bounds they knew that no matter what came up between them, it would always be resolved. That sense of covenant brings immense security to a relationship.

Covenant Friends: Vulnerability

Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt. (1Samuel 18:4)

Safely back from Norway after a good trip, except for a five hour delay in Amsterdam on the way there (we arrived in Bergen at three in the morning. The joys of travel). It was great to see my friends again from all over the world; these are brothers in Christ who mean so much to me. It is wonderful to work with such men.

We had times of prayer and discussion, in which we could be open and vulnerable with each other. We let down our guards: that's what David and Jonathan could do. Imagine the scene when they first met: David is walking from the battlefield with the head of Goliath in one hand and Goliath's sword in the other. He has just killed a man, and when heads are cut off blood flows. Not a pretty sight. But Jonathan does something that appears strange: he gives David his weapons, his protection, the things that make him feel safe. He realises that he is safe with David and does not need to protect himself; he can let down his guard and be completely vulnerable with his covenant friend.

Vulnerability is a powerful element in covenant friendship. To open ourselves up to others means we run the risk of being abused, rejected or betrayed. But a covenant friend will never abuse, never reject, never betray. We can be utterly open, real and honest with such friends. They know all about us, and still love us! Covenant friends want the best for us and never betray confidences. When I express vulnerability I am putting myself in the hands of others; I can't do that with everybody, but I can do it with some. To be able to be vulnerable is to feel safe. In such friendships you don't need a safety net.

Covenant Friends: Trust

David hid in the field. (1Samuel 20:24)

Trust is present in any relationship. This is certainly the case in marriage; Dianne and I have had to help several couples over the years where that trust has been betrayed. All too often, when adultery has been involved, the injured wife has said, 'I still love my husband, but I don't trust him anymore.'

Covenant friends are trustworthy: they can always be trusted. David and Jonathan knew this trust of one another in their relationship. To get the full story you'll have to read 1Samuel 20; David was on the run from Saul again and Jonathan was going to Saul to see just how much danger David was in. He told David to go and hide behind a rock in a field while he went to Saul. Thus David found himself all alone in an isolated and extremely dangerous position. He was behind that rock for two whole days while his covenant friend was in the presence of his enemy. During that time there was no communication between them at all.

Do you think David had a little panic or sleepless nights? Do you reckon that his stomach churned with worry in case Jonathan gave him away to Saul? Do you think David felt like a sitting duck?

No he did not. He remained calm the whole two days. Why? Because David trusted Jonathan with his life. Absence from one another made no difference to their covenant friendship. David slept like a baby and remained in perfect peace the whole two days because he knew that his friend would never betray him. He trusted him. Compare that with Jesus, who was betrayed by his friend Judas in the field of Gethsemane, when Jesus was in his own moment of isolation and danger. The greatest irony is that Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss - an act of covenant love.

Thank God I have friends I can trust with my very life; I mean that. I really do have friends who are completely trustworthy (in fact, we shoud not need to use any adjective; we're either trustworthy or we're not). And just as wonderful is that they trust me too.

Covenant Friends: Loyalty

Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul...(1Samuel 19:4)

King Saul, to put it mildly, did not like David. Initially he tried to control him; then he got jealous because David was having success. Finally that jealousy festered into hatred and attempted murder. David had to flee for his life. But Jonathan, his friend, remained loyal to him, even putting this friendship ahead of the blood relationship with his own natural father. That friendship was marked by practical, tangible loyalty.

So when Saul wanted Jonathan to betray David to him he refused to do so; in fact he consistently spoke up for David. Saul spoke badly about David and blamed him for all sorts of nonsense; but Jonathan stood firm for his friend. But what is really interesting here is that Jonathan spoke well of David when David wasn't even present. That's one of the proofs of friendship. I don't want a friend who says one thing to my face but when I'm absent says something quite the opposite about me to others. Sometimes I meet my friends and they say, 'We were just talking about you.' I don't have to say, 'Something good, I hope.' I know that these are covenant friends and speak about me in my absence in the same way that they speak to me to my face.

Loyalty can be brought right down to this practical level: it's how I speak about my friend when he cannot hear what I am saying about him. My words will never betray my friend.

Covenant Friends

Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself...And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. (1Samuel 18:1,3)

As promised last week, I'm going to post some pieces on covenant friendship. The relationship between David and Jonathan is a powerful example to us of the kind of friends that covenant people are. These men became 'one in spirit'; it lterally means 'their hearts were tied together'. Covenant is not some kind of legalistic externalism; it is the very life of God himself who exists as a covenant. God makes covenants because he is a covenant. Covenant is the work of the Holy Spirit in joining people together. As far as we know this was the first time David and Jonathan had met or spoken; immediately God did something between them. Only the Holy Spirit could do that. They didn't sit down and have a 'covenant summit' in which they negotiated the terms of their friendship; they became friends because the Holy Spirit attracted them to each other.

What was the key? The Bible says that Jonathan loved David as he loved himself. In doing so he was fulfilling the greatest commandment and the Royal Law: to love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind: and to love your neighbour as yourself (Mark 12:28-33; James 2:8). Jonathan was fulfilling prophetically what each one of us is designed to do in the New Covenant. We love God; we love ourselves; and we love our neighbour in the same way we love God and ourselves. Too many Christians get the order wrong; they try to love God, cannot or refuse to accept themselves and therefore cannot build successful relationships. You have to get the order correct. When Jonathan looked at David he saw himself; he saw a man who was just like him. It was like looking in a mirror. Therefore he could entrust himself to someone who was like himself - a man of covenant. Next time we'll look at a specific area of their friendship - loyalty.